After my father died, a couple of things happened. One of which, and perhaps the most profound, is the fact that I lost my thankful journal. It is nowhere to be found. And I mean, nowhere. I have torn up this house, only to find dust bunnies. Well, not dust bunnies, more like tufts of fur that the wolves have left during their shedding times. You get the idea. I felt so completely lost without my journal, because it had somehow turned into a crutch; a getaway of sorts. I could always pull out some things from my day that I was thankful for. I was heartbroken.
Right about that time though, The Simple Joy Club came into existence. Yes, there is a slight reference to The Joy Luck Club with that title, even if the stories aren't the same--I digress. What is the club? Well, all the members are the mothers of Banshee's classmates and the "simple joys" is something we are asked to start our weekly pow-wows with at Banshee's school. It was a blessing in disguise. This was my way of regaining my lost thankful journal.
The "simple joys" are something that brought us joy, it can be related to our children or just to ourselves. Anything goes, but the idea is to begin our weekly meetings on a positive note and know that we can find joy in the simplest things. This is something I try to do everyday, otherwise I would end up in grumpy-old-Puerto Rican-woman hell. (I have seen it, it exists.) 'I so got this!', I thought. Ha! I can write about one thing that brought me joy. Easy! Boy, was I in for it.
During that week's meeting, we were handed our first sheet with a spot on top for our simple joy. I think I stared at the blank spot for a very long time. My emotional baggage wanted me to say: You have nothing to be joyful about, but deeeeeeeep down I knew that I could find something to be happy about, despite the circumstances. The meeting went on as planned, we all got to share stories about our children, gave each other encouragement, and offered hints about things we could do to make our homework assignments easier. It was great, but in the back of my mind, I kept on thinking about the simple joy spot on the paper that I would have to fill. It became a big monster for me, because I honestly did not feel like writing anything down. I didn't have time for feelings, I had things to do, dammit! How can I think of a simple joy, when everything going on in my life was anything but joyous?! I will confess, that this simple task, was becoming a huge chore.
As the week progressed, the simple joy remained hidden from me. I kept looking for it and didn't seem to find it. I found many simple joys in my children, don't get me wrong, but I thought that maybe one time, I could claim a simple joy for myself and see where it took me. I brainstormed like crazy and found myself thinking of the women that made up The Simple Joy Club: each with their own story, their own daily battles, and their own simple joys. Suddenly, I knew what my simple joy was. I had found a new pack. That is what we are. Not a traditional pack with an alpha, but a pack nonetheless. We are there to help each other when we stumble, to cheer each others successes, to help find those damn simple joys when life has handed you a raw deal. THAT was my simple joy, but I didn't fill the spot on the sheet with that. Another less powerful simple joy happened that needed to be recognized immediately. If you are a writer, you will understand that need to get this one thing down on paper or it will be forever lost. If you aren't a writer, just think of writers as people with really bad OCD, where tasks need to get done immediately or you go crazy. It seems, the universe has a funny way of making things happen when they are supposed to and not when we want them to. My simple joy would have to wait for another time.
Finally, today, the chance to share this simple joy just seemed to materialize. I wrote it in the spot on the sheet prior to the meeting and I shared it. Granted, I was late to the meeting, I didn't feel up to being there emotionally, I felt drained and I want to say that I didn't speak very much during the first half of the meeting...but I did share it. My simple joy was having a support group of people I could talk to, knew what I was going through, and look to for help. A pack. It felt good to acknowledge everyone in the room that way. That simple joy helped me to regain what I had lost in my thankful journal: the feeling of wonder, excitement, happiness at little nothings that happen throughout the day. Little nothings that without meaning to, pack a big punch and make you thankful for it all. It felt empowering.
Yup, you know where this is going. This new world opened up before me and it led me to thinking, which led me to asking questions, which led me to this little nugget: why don't we share a simple joy at the dinner table every night to help us out of this funk? We tried it, felt a bit foreign at first, but we kept at it. Soon, we were sharing laughter and smiles at all the dinner conversation that these "simple joys" brought us at table. I still marvel at how something so "simple" as sharing one small thing that made you happy throughout the day, can have such an impact on how you feel.
I am still on the hunt for my thankful journal. It has to be here somewhere, but until I find it and can write about ten things that I was thankful for that day, I can keep working on my "simple joys" with the Simple Joy Club. It gets the same job done and helps me ease right back into acknowledging that only you are in control of how you view the world, simple joys and all. It is up to you how you want to harness it, digest it, and deliver it back out there to the world.
Simple joys...who'da thunk it?
No comments:
Post a Comment